INTRODUCTION

I have been going through detox from prescription narcotics these past several days. My polio doctor agreed to help me get off the Fentanyl pain patch. My dose had begun to climb, predictably. I had a moment of clarity when I envisioned its continued rise culminating in … what? Well my liver could fail. Or I could make a mistake and OD. Or? Hell I don’t even know what else the junk might do to me. But I can imagine it rotting my brain. But I digress.

Of one thing I am clear. Narcotics and most other hypnotics, sedatives, tranquilizers, muscle relaxers … they all dull you. And they dumb you. Even Cannabis has negative effects on one’s aura. Clouds it up. So the choices are all shitty so far. Assuming I wish to live powerfully.

What do I wish?

I wish for playful times with loud laughter. Right now, I can’t tell what is ahead. My focus is on getting through this.

What actually does it matter if I use or don’t use narcotics in the management of my pain? I have given this some thought. I wouldn’t give up any substance that relieves pain unless the costs were too high, higher than I’m willing to pay. The way I see it if I continued to use narcotic pain relievers, I die sooner than I need to.

I am just too absolutely nosy, too fascinated to look away. I always want to see what’s next.

Don’t you?

So what I want to say is brief. I had a doctor helping me detox and I lowered my dosage by half every month so I had a week of painful withdrawal from 50 to 25, and 25 to 12. And now I went from 12 mcg/hr of Fentanyl to zero last Saturday. I have more patches but I wanted to be done with this.

You don’t know what you can handle until you try. If you decide not to give up, if you bite down on it you can do it.

Panic attacks were lurking at my edges these past few days. But that was just a few times and it was easy to subdue. Cannabis, Mullein, Arnica, Curamin (Curcumin, boswellia and DLPA), Aspirin, Valerian Root. There is more herbal support I could call in, but I think it is all helping.

I agree with the online forum, cannabis does not reduce or erase withdrawal symptoms. But Cannabis calms me, and that does help.

This detox business is plain lousy. Today when I woke up I was immediately aware that my back muscles are beginning to relax. Over the hump, as they say. Downhill side.

But let’s get one thing clear: there is no detox without withdrawal. To avoid it I would need to take other mood-altering body-damaging substances, all of which interfere with my spirituality.

But a month ago I wouldn’t have believed I could go cold turkey in my body. And truly it does have aches and pains. But there are other remedies. I’m determined to find them.