“Easy Detox” Added To Oxymoron Hall Of Fame


I have been going through detox from prescription narcotics these past several days. My polio doctor agreed to help me get off the Fentanyl pain patch. My dose had begun to climb, predictably. I had a moment of clarity when I envisioned its continued rise culminating in … what? Well my liver could fail. Or I could make a mistake and OD. Or? Hell I don’t even know what else the junk might do to me. But I can imagine it rotting my brain. But I digress.

Of one thing I am clear. Narcotics and most other hypnotics, sedatives, tranquilizers, muscle relaxers … they all dull you. And they dumb you. Even Cannabis has negative effects on one’s aura. Clouds it up. So the choices are all shitty so far. Assuming I wish to live powerfully.

What do I wish?

I wish for playful times with loud laughter. Right now, I can’t tell what is ahead. My focus is on getting through this.

What actually does it matter if I use or don’t use narcotics in the management of my pain? I have given this some thought. I wouldn’t give up any substance that relieves pain unless the costs were too high, higher than I’m willing to pay. The way I see it if I continued to use narcotic pain relievers, I die sooner than I need to.

I am just too absolutely nosy, too fascinated to look away. I always want to see what’s next.

Don’t you?

So what I want to say is brief. I had a doctor helping me detox and I lowered my dosage by half every month so I had a week of painful withdrawal from 50 to 25, and 25 to 12. And now I went from 12 mcg/hr of Fentanyl to zero last Saturday. I have more patches but I wanted to be done with this.

You don’t know what you can handle until you try. If you decide not to give up, if you bite down on it you can do it.

Panic attacks were lurking at my edges these past few days. But that was just a few times and it was easy to subdue. Cannabis, Mullein, Arnica, Curamin (Curcumin, boswellia and DLPA), Aspirin, Valerian Root. There is more herbal support I could call in, but I think it is all helping.

I agree with the online forum, cannabis does not reduce or erase withdrawal symptoms. But Cannabis calms me, and that does help.

This detox business is plain lousy. Today when I woke up I was immediately aware that my back muscles are beginning to relax. Over the hump, as they say. Downhill side.

But let’s get one thing clear: there is no detox without withdrawal. To avoid it I would need to take other mood-altering body-damaging substances, all of which interfere with my spirituality.

But a month ago I wouldn’t have believed I could go cold turkey in my body. And truly it does have aches and pains. But there are other remedies. I’m determined to find them.

Are you amazed? You ought to be!

“Let us try to recognize the precious nature of each day.” — The Dalai Lama, The Daily Dalai.

I am brought to tears by the occasional glimpse of the miracle of life. These too-brief too-infrequent awakenings spark my heart. It beats faster for a moment. Then it overwhelms me and my heart suddenly breaks, as if what’s underscored is the loss of awareness that is normal waking consciousness.

So casual, so separate, so different. We like the cocoon. Familiar, cozy, safe. Keep the love, that dangerous emotion, in its place. It’s okay, it really is. But it’s such a waste. Sloth is a deadly inclination.

“Without love, where would we be now?” Let’s not even go there.

With love? Where could we be now?

Peace Now

“Peace does not mean an absence of conflicts; differences will always be there. Peace means solving these differences through peaceful means; through dialogue, education, knowledge; and through humane ways.” The Daily Dalai.

People are genuinely confused about this. To be a peaceful person, they think means to be always at peace. These same people think that meditation will give them a quiet mind. Talk about “beginner’s mind.”

I think we have a group delusion about what the goal really is. The goal is much like other kinds of goals: to develop the mental and moral muscles to manage for peace, to separate from our minds, to abide in love every bit as much as possible.

You will never be permanently at peace within yourself, but you must develop some chops to manage your less peaceful responses to life.

Your mind will not shut up. It will run on incessantly forever, a perpetual motion machine designed to protect you from threats to your survival.

None of which is a problem. We are here to learn these things, to make these muscles. Keep practicing because the rewards, while not what you expect, are substantial: greater awareness of your real self, sufficient reward in and of itself, but also a healthy reserve with respect to the activities and productions of mind, emotional self-management skills, and of course lower blood pressure and many other health benefits.

Peaceful is not a state of rest. To “be peaceful” is active and practical. First you must get to know yourself, without judgment or reserve. No blame.

To become self-aware is almost simultaneous with becoming compassionate. Once you accept how you yourself are, accepting others is nothing. Forgive yourself and you will forgive others. What’s important is to pick your head up above the noisy river of talk and images that bombards us at eye level. Get a breath of fresh air.

The Kanji Guys

The Kanji Guys made it all worth it. They were so cute showing off new kanjis they had learned. They had wall after wall of offerings in multiple topic areas: it was an encyclopedia of ways people see themselves. Maybe not an encyclopedia , more a compendium. A person’s Kanji is like a personalized license plate. It has to fit just right.

Although speaking of that I was horrified when I heard the Boston Marathon bombers had one that said terrorist, “TRRRST” or what? I’d like to see how it was spelled.

So of course, I HAD to read them all, so I was in the Kangi place a while. I finally asked for one they didn’t have. I looked it up on my phone. That was six months ago and I can’t remember what it was. It was probably Reiki Master.

Or it could have been my little slogan, “Got Reiki?” I also like “Reiki be … Reiki do.”

With the Southern California sun in my eyes and the ocean breeze in my hair, who knows what I might have been thinking. As I recall I had just gotten my green card and I was blissed out on Venice Beach. Life was good. The Kanji was disappointing.

Red Paint

4:30 p.m. I shouldn’t have gone for the ride. Sixty miles round trip. Now my back really feels weak and sore. I have to feed the boys. We have no money for pizza or anything like that. I guess I’ll just rest a while. Tré is working on his project. I can’t go downstairs and help find paint and stuff to eat right now. It’s okay though. I have a little time. And Richard is on duty helping Tré with his project. Feels good to rest. Though from what exertion I am not sure.

Maybe just the additional pounds. I gained back about 20 lbs. in about 20 minutes. 170-190 like overnight. In sure it took weeks, but to my distracted mind, it seemed virtually instantaneous.

I pray for us all whenever I am able. I am able several times a day. Sometimes I pray all day. I wish I believed in myself more. Then I would reach further and accomplish more. Change the world just a little bit. I’d like to let some hot air out of the angry balloon. Yes that’s right, THAT angry balloon. The one people love to run up to and blow into with all their might.