Sleep came after 3 this morning so I was glad to find I’d slept 8 hrs. But 11 is hella late to be under the covers. Still … If I stay still I can ignore the pain in my low back. But staying still isn’t an option. My body craves movement. And now even Spike has left the bed. Add to that Rich and Tré will be here soon. Best just push through the pain. Ha!

There has always been a center in me where something more enduring abides. The watcher, of course, the quiet unperturbed observer. So not only has it never been upset, it also has never been sick. I like this part of me better all the time.

The boys are delayed so Tré can finish his movie. I’m glad gives me more time to slowly unwind myself from the past six days of being narcotic-free. Just finally last evening I found a non-narcotic pain remedy that works. I need to take some right now.

Okay. Taking medicine has become an important part of life lately. But having it work, now that is really something.

Last night I stopped for some Arnica pellets and also got a formula for leg cramps, which routinely keep me from getting to sleep.

When the pain disappeared I was shocked. And of course delighted. I took more than the recommended dose. Just now I took the recommended dose to see if/how that works.

I really am astonished that the homeopathy worked by far the best of anything I tried for the body pains of withdrawal from narcotic pain meds. How many unfortunate people, like me believe that only opiates can get rid of their chronic pain?

I know I’m weird, but I’m not so weird that I would be the only person who had that idea.

We live entirely within the grip of the mainstream media. Talk about one-stop-shopping! You get all your needs met on the screen, on the projection screen, where you experience sports events as a live viewer, teleported as it were, to the upper deck at the arena, and from there you can use your bionic eyes to zoom in or even replay the action.

Well speaking for myself, live is still better. But virtual, while not entirely real is really close. Of course, we were mesmerized. And look at us go mobile! We can hardly wait for the next technology. But being physically present has dimensions that seeing and hearing remotely just can’t begin to compete with.

Let’s be honest, physical enjoyment is pretty amazing! And the thrill of catching a foul ball requires you to not only be there in the flesh, but also to bring your glove.

I’m in a better mood today. Acupuncture yesterday and homeopathy making a good combination.

The clerk at SuperSup said the flower remedies heal emotional aspects of injury/illness. So she sold me a pricy tube of lotion for my knee. And she looked right at my right shoulder and said to use it for any other places I’ve been cut on. Right. All night I thought about what she said.

The flowers heal emotions. What about sound? Healing sound. I know it is healing. But in which ways? I know sound works with the energy system. Physical for sure. But not the way a cup of tea can aid digestion. The energy that cycles through the physical and animates it. It is physical in that it exists and can be measured as to intensity, color and temperature at the minimum. Without instruments.

Sound and aroma. Don’t leave them out of your healing. Including them will make your efforts more holistic and I gotta think that’s a good thing!

Namaste from detox land.

INTRODUCTION

I have been going through detox from prescription narcotics these past several days. My polio doctor agreed to help me get off the Fentanyl pain patch. My dose had begun to climb, predictably. I had a moment of clarity when I envisioned its continued rise culminating in … what? Well my liver could fail. Or I could make a mistake and OD. Or? Hell I don’t even know what else the junk might do to me. But I can imagine it rotting my brain. But I digress.

Of one thing I am clear. Narcotics and most other hypnotics, sedatives, tranquilizers, muscle relaxers … they all dull you. And they dumb you. Even Cannabis has negative effects on one’s aura. Clouds it up. So the choices are all shitty so far. Assuming I wish to live powerfully.

What do I wish?

I wish for playful times with loud laughter. Right now, I can’t tell what is ahead. My focus is on getting through this.

What actually does it matter if I use or don’t use narcotics in the management of my pain? I have given this some thought. I wouldn’t give up any substance that relieves pain unless the costs were too high, higher than I’m willing to pay. The way I see it if I continued to use narcotic pain relievers, I die sooner than I need to.

I am just too absolutely nosy, too fascinated to look away. I always want to see what’s next.

Don’t you?

So what I want to say is brief. I had a doctor helping me detox and I lowered my dosage by half every month so I had a week of painful withdrawal from 50 to 25, and 25 to 12. And now I went from 12 mcg/hr of Fentanyl to zero last Saturday. I have more patches but I wanted to be done with this.

You don’t know what you can handle until you try. If you decide not to give up, if you bite down on it you can do it.

Panic attacks were lurking at my edges these past few days. But that was just a few times and it was easy to subdue. Cannabis, Mullein, Arnica, Curamin (Curcumin, boswellia and DLPA), Aspirin, Valerian Root. There is more herbal support I could call in, but I think it is all helping.

I agree with the online forum, cannabis does not reduce or erase withdrawal symptoms. But Cannabis calms me, and that does help.

This detox business is plain lousy. Today when I woke up I was immediately aware that my back muscles are beginning to relax. Over the hump, as they say. Downhill side.

But let’s get one thing clear: there is no detox without withdrawal. To avoid it I would need to take other mood-altering body-damaging substances, all of which interfere with my spirituality.

But a month ago I wouldn’t have believed I could go cold turkey in my body. And truly it does have aches and pains. But there are other remedies. I’m determined to find them.